the longest 3 minutes

3 minutes

that's how

long

i sat on the floor

of my bathroom

holding my breath,

biting my nail,

waiting for,

staring at and 

simultaneously 

trying to ignore

this:

then i cried, 

then i smiled,

then i cried again,

then i thought, 

'well, i don't know,

i should take another one'...

then i took 4 more.

and they all 

said the same thing:

"your life will 

never be the same".

rob was shocked

but thrilled,

which made me feel 

much better.

but i was still 

completely terrified. 

this wasn't the plan.

i wasn't ready.

what about south africa

in the spring.

i don't think

i can do this...

and then rob and i

sat in the little dark room,

looking at the screen,

watching our baby's 

heart beating,

and i was sold.

still terrifed,

but at the same time,

so excited, 

and so blessed.

i'm so glad

i'm going on this

crazy adventure 

with my best friend.

i think he's going to be 

a great dad.